


It's Unfair

by NotSoHotsuin



Category: Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Comedy, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, NSFW, No Spoilers, it will keep you warm but it might burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 01:54:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11281314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoHotsuin/pseuds/NotSoHotsuin
Summary: Daichi always imagined himself and Hibiki ending up together.The sad part was that the universe did not seem to agree.Being best friends just wasn't enough anymore.





	It's Unfair

It was always like this.

It honestly made him sick.

Their classrooms were small, which often meant they had to sit close together. Most of the time, Daichi could spot girls take advantage of it by scooting closer to Hibiki. Of course, Daichi was first to take a seat next to him, being designated best friend and all that came with it, but it was annoying to deal with the added chatter. It was jealousy, definitely, but it came from the wrong source for all the wrong reasons. They acted as if he was invisible. Sure, he was a guy, so it was not as if he counted as competition in the battle over Hibiki’s undivided affection, but they could have pretended they were aware of his presence. Daichi got bored of their pointless banter very quickly every time.  


_‘I can’t believe you don’t have a girlfriend.’_

_‘Are you free tomorrow? If you could help me with my math homework that’d be great!’_

_‘I made this for you, I hope you like it!’_  


Daichi ignored them and let Hibiki reply with whatever he wanted, but he had his own rendition of what he would say if he actually had the guts to interrupt them.

_‘I can’t believe it either, but you don’t see me trying to force myself on him,’_ That was a lie. Daichi knew he was the person that took up most of Hibiki’s time, and he practically latched onto his arm whenever they walked side-by-side.

_‘Teachers exist for a reason. Use them.’_ He wanted to say it, but knew that it would be applicable to himself as well. Daichi had come to rely on Hibiki with so many things, especially grades, so saying this was not going to paint him in a good light. Hypocrisy was not a color that went well with his scarf.

_‘You’re a nice person I’m sure but please go be nice someplace else.’_ He hated himself most for this one. It made him frustrated to know he wanted to tell a nice person who was most likely just being nice to go away. However, he kept his mouth shut, and acknowledged these thoughts as bad impulses. Hibiki had other friends, and so did he, but it was a little easier to deal with a guy who was just talking casually than a girl that kept her hand on Hibiki’s shoulder.

_Sorry, that’s where my hand belongs._

He almost passive aggressively wrapped one arm around Hibiki just to knock her hand away, but as usual, he kept his internal turmoil within his head. Although, he couldn’t help but to crack a smile when he saw Hibiki shrug his shoulders in attempt to discourage her from touching him. Ah, yes, the cold shoulder. A Hibiki Kuze classic. It was a signature move at this point. Some girls were rejected outright, and others were told so by subliminal messages. What really did it for Daichi was how peaceful Hibiki looked while doing it, almost as if he was proud. It made him feel content.

_Did I ever mention you’re like, my best friend in the whole wide world?_

Daichi didn’t deny the fact that Hibiki was attractive. It was pretty clear that his good looks played a big part in attracting ‘the ladies’, but Daichi felt like the girls completely missed the point if all they had to go on was blind infatuation. That might have been a little hypocritical, coming from him of all people. He may know a lot more about Hibiki, but he still found himself staring at him every once in awhile. His blue eyes, soft cheeks, his smile and his lips-- and that was usually where Hibiki noticed he was staring and turned to look at him. That was also when he stopped staring and pretended to know how math worked.

“What's on your mind?” _Think._

“Um… Rei. Isn’t she cute?”

“Oh.” _You. Who else, really._ “I guess?” The apathy in Hibiki's voice made him smile. He really didn't care for Rei anymore than any other girl from their class. As usual, whoever Hibiki found attractive remained a mystery. Daichi would try to figure it out, would try and ask him subtle questions, but Hibiki acted as if he was uninterested in dating altogether. It was a little discouraging, but it was just an impression.

“Gotcha! Haha, you’re so easy to trick sometimes. I was totally thinking about that new RPG that just came out. Hey, we should go to the store after school, maybe they’ll have one hooked up on display for people to try.” Seeing Hibiki smile his way filled him with so much joy. It was hard to describe, but knowing he was the reason Hibiki was this happy gave him a nice ego boost. Hibiki quickly returned to glance at his notebook, eyes of a deep blue color that Daichi could physically feel himself sink into. He was really a wonderful person, his favorite person. The kind, trusting, and caring best friend he had always wanted.

“Sounds like fun.” Daichi loved running his hands through Hibiki’s curls, but refrained from doing so in school. He also loved holding Hibiki’s hand, but when both his hands were busy with math, it was hard to find an excuse to hold him. Then there was everything else. Hibiki’s laugh, his little mannerisms where he would tap the corner of his pen against his chin when he was thinking, or the way he would move his lips when he was reviewing an answer in his head. When he noticed one of the girls was staring at him, he turned his gaze away from Hibiki and focused on his own blank notebook. He continued sneaking side-glances at Hibiki whenever he heard him speak up. His voice was so relaxing, and Daichi had to lean forward onto his desk to cover his mouth with his palm so people would not notice he was grinning widely. They already knew Hibiki was pretty much perfect, but they did not need to know he agreed with them.

 

_I want to make you smile. You make me feel so happy it’s stupid. I wish you wouldn’t have to keep them entertained, that they’d just back off. I’d like to take you somewhere alone where it’s just the two of us, and no one else._

   
If every thought could be put into words as eloquently, they would already be dating at this point. As soon as he tried to tell Hibiki he wanted them to spend some time alone, he ended up mumbling incoherently and tripping on simple words. He loved Hibiki dearly, but he could not communicate with him honestly about his feelings to save his life. Anything else worked, but as soon as he would get close to trying to ask him out, his sentences would fall apart.

   
_Maybe if I pushed myself a bit more, I could finally tell you..._

   
“Having some perverted thoughts?” He hated the way his voice turned super high pitched whenever someone snuck up on him. Hibiki grinned at Daichi’s clueless expression.

“You were making that face again,” Right, the face. The face Daichi made whenever he imagined something lewd. This time, not unlike many others, that face was directed at Hibiki. It felt weird to be called out on something that was not really that perverse. Imagining the two of them having dinner, watching a movie or so before maybe sharing a kiss was a rather tame thought compared to what he usually fantasized about.

“W-well, you see…” The chemicals in his brain were in disagreement with his facial muscles, and he ended up not knowing what to say to woo Hibiki. Being smooth was something he tried to be, but only failed at. His nerves also played a big part in the stuttering that made him sound uncertain. Either that, or God put a curse on him and had a vendetta against his happiness. When Daichi tried to mumble out a half-assed explanation, he chickened out and decided to focus on the pretty girls instead.

“Um, so, who are you going to pick?” It was easier than asking Hibiki out in front of them, even if rubbing victory in their faces would have been a fun way to end the day. There was still the slight chance that Hibiki would turn him down. Hibiki furrowed his brows questionably and looked off to the side at the two girls that had started communicating between themselves. Daichi would be lying if he said Hibiki’s silent and judgemental stare was not entertaining to observe as long as he was nowhere on the receiving end.

“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to pick,” Daichi punched his arm lightly, and continued whispering not to attract their attention.

“Dude, you can’t date them both at the same time! I mean, you _can_ but…” Hibiki leaned in close to whisper something as quietly as humanly possible into Daichi’s ear.

“You’re acting weird. Calm your hormones, they’re just girls,” Calm your hormones. They’re just girls. The irony. It was a fitting thing to say to a man that felt excited just hearing Hibiki whisper so close to him. It was hard not to focus on his breath, the tone of his voice, or the warmth that grew between them as a result of how close they sat by one another. He pulled away and placed his hand over his ear, trying to keep Hibiki from repeating the same action twice.  


_I can’t tell you like this. Not if i’m going to panic every time you do… that._  


Once class was dismissed, the girls eagerly awaited a reply from Hibiki, and every time, almost like clockwork, Hibiki would smile politely and say the words “Sorry, I’m not interested.” It was the sound of victory. He’d eagerly wrap his arm around Hibiki and resist the urge to flash the girls a wide grin.  


_Yep, he’s mine. He may not know he’s mine but that’s totally how it’s going to go down, just so you know._  


The girls left the classroom when the bells rang, and soon, Daichi and Hibiki followed. They were finally done and could go home to relax.

“You don’t know how lucky you are! Having girls confess to you time and time again,” He wished only for one confession. Hibiki’s. Though, that was about as likely as the moon crashing into the earth. Daichi admired the girls, even if he did not like how forward they were with their advancements. He wanted to be able to confess in a similar way and remain absolutely flawless while doing so. That might have been too much to ask for.

“Lucky? Why?”

“You just don’t get it! It’s nice to have someone confess to you for once. That way, you won’t have to make the first move.” You would also not have to face rejection from this angle, that was the part that Daichi liked the most. Being rejected time and time again could really do some heavy damage to a guy’s self confidence. Daichi wondered why Hibiki stared at him in silence, why he looked as if he was waiting for him to keep talking. Daichi shrugged, not knowing exactly what Hibiki was expecting him to do.  


“He’hey! If it isn't Daich and our fearless leader!” Daichi groaned inwardly. Only one person could address them like that. Sure enough, Joe emerged from the crowd of students.

“What are you two doing here?” It had been two seconds and Daichi could already feel a headache coming.

“It’s a school, you moron. We go here.”

“Ohhh, right. Getting educated, I hope. Education is important and all that stuff. Adulting is hard, so stay here as long as you can.” Ignoring the obviously bad advice, Daichi sighed and pulled his bag over his shoulder to ask a very simple question.

“Joe, why are you here?”

“I came to pick up my kid. Daddy’s got his little angel covered! No lousy job is going to keep me away.”

“Uh… that’s good and all...but why are you walking through this corridor?”

“This isn’t the way to the preschool?” He sounded so dumbfounded that Daichi felt the urge to shake him.

“You couldn’t figure that out from all the highschoolers wandering about!? I can’t believe you! How did you graduate from high school?!” Daichi pondered if they just allowed Joe to pass because he was taking up space. There was no way a licensed teacher could pass such a scatter-minded individual. Then again, Daichi’s teachers often allowed him to pass tests just by the skin of his teeth, so maybe he was not the right person to throw stones. His eyes drifted to Hibiki, hoping he could muster the strength to join in on the conversation, but he looked lost. Daichi had not expected them to lock eyes, so he looked away out of embarrassment. Their little exchange had Joe grinning from ear to ear.  


“Ohhh, Daichi, your face is all red,” This was not the time. No time was the time actually, but this time was especially not the time.

“D-Don’t change the subject! Be a good Joe and walk away! Far away! So far you don’t stop until you reach sea!”

“Ha-ha! I think it’s a girl! It has to be, right?” Hibiki barely got to open his mouth before Daichi interjected.

“Joe. Go. A. Way. Any way. Just go some-way!”

“I bet you don’t even know how to kiss a girl. What did I tell you before? You gotta be smooth. Stealthy. Blend in with the shadows.”

“Wh- Is this guy even susceptible to conversation or does he just go on autopilot!?”

“Here, let me show you,” When Joe stepped close and grabbed Daichi’s cheeks, Hibiki considered intervening, but froze in place when he saw Joe place a soft kiss on Daichi’s forehead and cheek. Daichi was screaming and pushing him off, and Joe was laughing. This was starting to look so unreal that Hibiki feared he dozed off in the middle of class and was dreaming about two of his close friends kissing for some reason. Daichi staggered back and rubbed his cheeks free of anything that might even hint of Joe.  


“What the heck is wrong with you!? Crazy idiot!” The only person Daichi even allowed close to doing that was Hibiki, and maybe Io. Joe was taking far too much enjoyment out of Daichi’s panicked expression.

“Pf, haha! It was just a kiss man, no need to fret.”

“Just a ki- Oh my God. This is it. I’m actually going to kill you this time.”

“Aww, c’mon, how are you going to master the fine arts of dating if you can’t tell the difference between platonic and romantic kisses? I love you but not love-love you, if you catch my drift.” There was a shudder in Daichi’s voice as he spoke carefully, tone calm and low before it erupted into a screaming contest.

“Joe, if you touch me again… I will choke you with my tie!”

“Ooooh, kinky. But do make sure it’s consensual first. Prepare safewords and all that.”

“Gw-What!? Joe-!” He knew he was yelling a bit too loud when his voice got raspy as a result. “-go away!”

“Oh, look at the time! Late again. Welp, see ya, and oh, do try to keep Daichi out of trouble. We don’t want him messing around in the secret garden again, do we? Haha!” Joe had a habit of coming and leaving as he wished, and this time was no exception.

“J-Joe! Damn it! He’s quick…” He could still see him in the distance, so he yelled out to him. “-and so annoying!” Hibiki was simply stuck watching the crossfire from the sidelines, still wondering exactly what had happened. One minute, they were all getting along, the next, Joe starts placing kisses on Daichi’s forehead, and that was here his thought process kind of went blank.

“Ugh… stupid Joe… why does he always have to be so… Joe.” Daichi nervously looked Hibiki’s way, and hid his hands in his pant’s pockets.

“U-um, so...”

“I wonder if we should order home,” Daichi was losing his mind and Hibiki was thinking of food. He wished he could say he was surprised but since he forgot to pack their lunch today it was obvious Hibiki would be fixated on food. That Hibiki had nothing to say about what Joe just did actually disappointed him a little. The kisses did feel nice, but knowing it was Joe that kissed him felt so wrong on so many levels.  


_Has Joe always been able to kiss a guy like this? Great, now I’m no better than Joe._

 

* * *

 

Every day.  
  
Did these thoughts really have to occur every day?  
  
It was so tiring, so disheartening to go through the motions again, to let the same feeling of dissonance resonated within him until he felt his body shiver with cold.  
  
Something about Hibiki ending up with one of those girls just felt wrong. Imagining it made him feel disgusted with himself. The girls were undeniably kind and pretty. They were clearly not malicious, but it still made him bitter. It was unfair. They did not know Hibiki as well as he knew him. They did not care for Hibiki as much as he cared for him. Well, that was what he kept telling himself. There was some truth to his statements, but what he was trying to avoid was the fear of being replaced. Daichi may not put all his efforts into an upcoming exam, but he always made sure to put one-hundred percent of effort into his relationship with Hibiki. Ten years of friendship did not come easy.

Every time Hibiki smiled at the persistent girls, he’d feel a tug in his chest. He pushed through. In the end, Hibiki would turn them down. After that, they would share a small conversation on their way home from school. Home. Their home, their apartment that they shared out of _convenience_. That was usually what happened; it was almost routine. Daichi knew that this could not go on forever, but a big part of him did not want to admit it. It was a severe case of denial. During class, Hibiki mentioned he would be going somewhere after school, and that he could not accompany Daichi home. The details were vague, but Daichi didn’t mind a surprise.

“Sure, let’s go together!” He tried to feign ignorance, but Hibiki would not let him.  
“That would be a little awkward. Don’t worry about it. I’ll meet you there.” It wasn’t hard to tell what was going on. Not when Hibiki exited the school talking to a girl with blonde hair. Not when he did so every Friday and Saturday from that moment on.

Daichi really wished he could ask Hibiki what it was about, but any question was met with dead silence. Eventually, he gave up asking him why he disappeared all of a sudden on those days specifically. He’d be home by 7 or 8 anyways, so why did it matter? It was not as if they were stitched hip to hip or anything.

Daichi could easily find something else to occupy his time with. Cooking or baking seemed to do the trick, and it gave them some leftovers for the next few days, too. Daichi continued to tell himself it was fine if Hibiki had a girlfriend and didn't want to say anything. Sure, it was a little bothersome that he did not trust him with the information, and it was unlike him, but he had a right to do whatever he pleased. As long as Hibiki still enjoyed his company, he was fine with it. It did not matter how many times he told himself to believe this. The headache and heartache he got from telling himself this was fine was slowly draining his energy.  
  
  
You should have said something sooner. Yes, that much was obvious. There was no reason to beat that into his head any further. He had the rest of his life to regret not telling Hibiki his true feelings. Whatever those feelings were. He was still trying to figure out if this was a blessing or a curse.  
  
_It hurts._ It felt like a curse, but perhaps it finally closed a door he was never going to open anyways. It still made him feel unsettled. There was no proof Hibiki was dating anyone, but it was still pretty obvious. The privacy, the way he stayed silent about whatever it was he did during those away-days. It didn’t give him many options to mull over.  
  
_You’re his best friend. Be happy for him._ Right, his best friend. That was the role of the best friend. What if he could not do that anymore? He gave it some thought. That would not really make him much of a friend, and if he wasn’t a friend, what was there left for him to be?  
  
So I have no choice then? Not anymore. That was probably what the most difficult part about accepting this was. He couldn’t just tell Hibiki his feelings now. Not if he already made up his mind and was happy with someone else, so happy in fact that he did not feel comfortable sharing the news with Daichi.

_We tell each other everything. Or… we used to. Does that really have to change?_ He shook his head and let his fingers brush through his bangs nervously. The apartment was so eerily quiet when Hibiki wasn’t home. He hated to admit it, but he felt a little lost. In his head, he always imagined the two of them would get together in some way, and that they would continue living together. That was fair. Wasn’t it? They took care of each other since they were little. That made this even harder to swallow. Someone else was going to be able to do those things for him and more. Their bond wouldn’t be as special anymore. He would not be needed.  
  
_As long as he’s happy..._

It was fine.  
  
_No. No, it’s not fine._  
  
If he was going to make it through this, then he had to at least act as if everything was fine not to raise suspicion.  


“I picked a bad time to fall in love with my best friend…”

 

* * *

 

Sharing an apartment came with many benefits, but it also came with some setbacks. Daichi only ever got some privacy when Hibiki went out or when he was running mystery errands from Friday to Saturday. Either way, he only got a few hours alone during those days to do whatever he wanted. People who would kill for privacy clearly hadn’t spent a whole day with Hibiki. It was hard to let go once you got used to his presence, and Daichi was struggling with it. It was not as if ten years of clinging and sharing could be erased or altered without it changing something else in the process. What happened to change was something Daichi was not proud of, and it only really got worse the more time passed.

Doing whatever he wanted when it did not involve cooking, games or watching movies usually came down to peaceful showers. He would have taken showers more often had his mind not trailed down an uncomfortable route each time he was in there. Daichi would be perfectly content washing his hair, and then he would remember something Hibiki said or did that usually made him think inappropriately.

Daichi placed his hands around his shoulders and gently rubbed soap over himself. He was awful at giving massages, even if his shoulders were in desperate need of one every few days. The trick was to mimic whatever Hibiki did to get him so relaxed. After a hard day’s studying, both of them got pretty stiff and helped each other unwind with a brief massage. Daichi pressed his palm against his skin to knead his muscles. It was difficult to make it relaxing, but he knew how it was supposed to feel, so he copied the movements as best as he could. Hibiki’s hands were softer, probably because he never did anything strenuous with his hands. Daichi leaned his head back slightly, parted his lips, and allowed some of the water from the shower to tickle his tongue. Hibiki’s hands were really tender no matter what part they touched. Whether it’d be hand-holding, or shoulder-touches, he always managed to put the right amount of pressure into it not to make it painful. One memory unlocked another, and Daichi was slowly starting to remember every place Hibiki’s hands had touched. From his cheeks, to his thighs. The only parts Hibiki really hadn’t touched were...

 

A small hum escaped his throat when his hands spread the soap over his back and his chest. The water from the shower was slowly trickling down his face and neck, but not enough to completely wash off all the bubbles that formed. He still felt stiff around his shoulders, but his hands wanted to tend to a different part of his body.

“Ah… No… Not now…” He breathed out as he spread his fingers to cover more skin and squeezed his thighs with frustration. _This is how he does it, isn’t it?_ He leaned down a little and let his palms curve inward to stroke his inner thigh. It wasn’t time to get hot and bothered, but he needed some form of release not to get so easily worked up again.

“Ngh...Hi-Hibiki…”Daichi could shamelessly call out to him like this if he knew Hibiki was nowhere to be found. There was no way Hibiki was going to hear him, so he could imagine whatever he wanted and feel no regret. The guilt would come later, but for the time being, all that he really cared for was these few minutes of privacy. _Would you touch me here?_

One of his hands softly cupped his crotch, while the other was being pressed into the nearest wall to keep him from falling. It was easy to get started. The difficult part was knowing when to stop. Daichi would rarely allow himself to finish, and would try to interrupt his perverted fantasy before things got out of hand. However, when he thought about the way Hibiki touched him on a rather regular basis, it was easy for things to escalate. His mind was replaying old memories in his head, lines he’d heard Hibiki say in a specific tone of voice. Some of them were whispers, but most of them were just the different ways Hibiki said his name. _You whisper it in my ear all the time. It’s like you want me to feel you up_.

“Ah, Hibiki…” Any noise was usually canceled out by the shower. This moan was a little louder, and managed to echo faintly through the small room. Daichi kept his eyes closed, and let his hand go through the motions to get himself off. His other hand softly came to rest below his neck, drawing lines around his collarbones as if to imitate the way Hibiki’s hands ghosted over him whenever he helped him put on his tie. _Why do you even do that? I know you’re doing it on purpose._

It was so frustrating to deal with random people who did not know Hibiki the way he did. Daichi liked to guess Hibiki’s preferences depending on little hints he dropped every now and again. Kissing his neck, cheek, and hand- he loved to imagine the differences in Hibiki’s reactions, and he wondered just what sounds he would make if he let his hands slip lower to touch him more intimately. What did Hibiki look like when he was excited? How would Hibiki call out his name?

“Please, Ah, I…” He begged Hibiki to touch him. Touch anywhere, just touch something. The fact they had seen each other naked a few times helped make his fantasy more realistic. Although, it never amounted to much, seeing as Daichi was completely aware it was self-indulgence.

It was not real. It would probably never be real. It felt good during the moment, but once he opened his eyes again he would be faced with the truth that Hibiki was never going to be more than his best friend, and that he had just jerked off to the thought of him.  
  
_This is sick. You’re sick._  
  
It was, but it was not as if he was not doing this long before Hibiki got a girlfriend.


End file.
